Fountainhead

One set of people who have worried me the most are hypocrites. And when you discover that you are one I can assure you that it is not exactly the most pleasant thing in the world. And who was I cheating? Myself. Now thats about the most difficult person to cheat and when you realize that you have managed it you know that it is one achievement that you rather wish you never had.

Well how did I cheat myself? Its a rather curious issue. I read the Fountainhead about a year ago and realized that among all the writers in the world Ayn Rand was about the only one to whose philosophy i could connect. Our ideas of man and life were almost the same and she expressed it much better than I have been able to communicate it to anybody and that list of 'anybodies' includes me too. But then something real strange happened: I started hating her by the end of that book. A revulsion that I could never understand.

That was true maybe till the last few months. I realized that what created that feeling of hatred was her portrayal of her anti-heroes and her style which implied that most of society was filled with parasites, cattle who found wisdom in following the herd. Maybe I was scared by that possibility but I realize that she may actually be right. People when forced with an uncomfortable choice do not decide to consult their reason to decide for themselves instead they decide what others have done which really is an excuse for deflecting responsibilty by doing the generally acceptable thing. My decision to be an entrepreneur without becoming a graduate was received with unbelievable vengance and fury. Not just from my parents but from friends too.

Nobody ever had any legitimate arguments to counter mine. All they eventually implied that I was immature because I dare to dream big, I did not understand what life was all about because I did not follow the herd and do what everybody else does too. I had not seen hardship, they said. Nobody studied for knowledge they implied, everybody did it for a scrap of paper. And that piece of paper they helped me understand was my future. They said three hours in a dreary examination hall had the power to decide my life.

Well it surely does I say; if I allow it to but I wont. My life will go the way I steer it. Maybe it will all crash down but at least I wont have anybody to blame.